Dealing With Church Trauma

Dealing with church trauma. I have a good friend, a Christian professor of a noted Bible college, who is putting together a study on church trauma. This professor is a Christian social studies professor and writer and speaker, who has experienced such trauma. The study was an intensive survey of 336 participants who answered the basic question, "The Church is . . ." Notably, 32% said the Church is a harmful and non-safe place. "Perhaps the most disheartening statement was made by Participant # 319: “[Church is] A place I don’t want to go again.” 

Being in church leadership for over forty years and consulting ministry for over twenty years, I can unfortunately confirm this study. I recall being on staff of a larger church where an energized and gifted volunteer was asked to step into the leadership role of children's director. This energized and committed and dedicated volunteer soon found out that children's ministry and dealing with the complaints and murmurings and innuendos and all the stuff was not a picnic. She asked me, "What happened?!!" I responded, "You became a staff person." You became open to the inside look of a church, not that healthy by the way, and you are experiencing the "dirty laundry" that volunteers and church attenders rarely see. In another church, a much smaller one, which should have been closed down by the denominational authorities long ago, was ruled by an iron hand of an aged woman who made sure her sons were on the church board and governed the church according to her wishes and parameters, which were often misplaced and negative of others. People came and went from that congregation, traumatized and thinking very negative and unhealthy thoughts about the Church. No wonder we have a generation of people who say, "the church is a place I don't want to go again."

What causes church trauma? As a church health consultant, I have seen a number of reasons for this. Some trauma stems from  unhealthy personal events in a congregant's life. One church in which I served as a staff pastor of evangelism and spiritual growth had a woman whom I met in a visit to a class seeking to bring their friends to church. She opened up to me and said she was "trying out" our church to see if she wanted to "come or not." She had left another congregation in the community whose pastor was too "busy" to visit her family in their time of tragedy and need, a time in which her husband died. She was traumatized by the church's official attitude toward her and her situation.

Other trauma is caused by severely negative and caustic people in the church body. These people tend to stick around a church and make it an unsafe place for others. They are the glass "half empty" people always looking for faults and cracks and negative events in the church's life and ministry. Nothing ever satisfies them. Nothing is ever good enough for them. They radiate negative energy in their body and facial language. They sow seeds of doubt and despair about the church's life and ministry. They can cause trauma in a person's life just by being so negative and caustic. They drive people away from the church. Another church with which I consulted had two women who "guarded" (literally) the doors of the church to make certain that visitors were properly dressed and attired to enter the church building. I know this sounds weird and strange, but they were thorns in the side of the pastor and believed they were "honoring the Lord" by guarding the doors of the church and who came and went. They caused trauma in the community for that church body.

Other trauma can be caused by unmet church expectations. While we say that "no church is perfect," we expect all churches to be so. That false expectation can cause trauma in attenders and participants. I have done exit interviews of people who have left churches I served with terror stories of how they were once loved but now hated by church stakeholders. The behind the scenes people who actually run the church (and all churches have them) decide this or that person does not fit their wants for church fellowship and work and end up traumatizing people by innuendos, rumors, false claims and cold indifference. Or, a person is hired or placed in a volunteer position in a church not knowing the poisonous people with whom she or he must work. That person's expectations of ministry are dashed and they end up traumatized and leave the church, and even the Christian ministry.

The point is that church trauma is real and sadly experienced by many fine Christian people, people eager and ready to serve the Lord and extend his kingdom on earth. They, however, never get the chance because of church trauma. Conquering the sources of church trauma is a daunting and messy endeavor. It requires spiritually healthy and mature Christ centered people who are not put off by church politics or unhealthy church organizational forces. The danger here is that such people themselves can become hardened and insensitive to victims of church trauma because of the forces with which they have to deal. An openness to the Spirit's leading and direction and a healthy view of sin and corruption inside all of us are necessary for people to confront and help to conquer such trauma. While not a social scientist or psychologist, here are a few things I have learned about conquering church trauma I have learned.

Be frightfully honest about the "dirty laundry" every church carries. Those who seek to deal with and conquer church trauma must also seek to be aware of a church's unhealthy past or present and the patterns and forces that have caused such trauma in people. They must not be "surprised" that this church is so fractured or infested by people and forces that cause church attenders pain and trauma. They must be spiritually healthy themselves and totally dependent on Christ and his Spirit who want health in a church body.

Be sensitive to and about past trauma victims of churches. This is best done by getting to know people really well in smaller confidential group settings where their trauma is shared and exposed and prayed over. Victims of church trauma usually stay to themselves and on the fringes of a church, no matter how healthy or loving or caring that church body may be. They need patience and sensitivity in mingling with them and helping them conquer their church fears and trauma. Healthy spiritually minded people with strong gifts of compassion and mercy are needed here.

Allow trauma victims space. Many times such people just need caring Christians to allow them time to get settled once again in a healthy church fellowship or body. They need time to heal. They need time to properly vent. They need time to work through their trauma, perhaps even with a trained Christian counselor or psychiatrist. They need our patience not our demands.

Other things can be said here, and I will allow my well-informed and trained Christ centered people to offer their advice and help.